Today marks 3 months without my dad. While it seems like it's been forever since I've talked to him, it only feels like yesterday that he was giving me one of his biggest hugs. Hearing about the nightmare that took place on Friday in Newtown brought back the strike of pain I felt on September 17th, only this time I had some sense of comfort knowing these children will have my dad to help take care of them.
The places you find comfort and the things you look forward to are much different than ever before. I still have moments where I forget he's gone and I pick up the phone to call him. I still wake up thinking we'll chat on my way to work. I still think this Christmas won't be any different than years past and we'll go for a drive at night, with the snow falling, and we'll toast our cups of hot cocoa to a very Merry Christmas.
I continue to ask myself, "I wonder what I'll feel like at the 6-month mark, the 1-year, and as far away as it sounds ... the 10-year mark?" But then I have to remind myself, like the parents of those children taken too soon on Friday, you might not get 10 more years. You might only have today.
I guess what I'm trying to say on a day where I can only think about my dad is to hold those close who are in your lives and the memories they bring. This Christmas I know I'll shed some tears and shake my head at the year I've had, but I'll also know I'll be looking around at my family and realizing all that still surrounds me.
Newtown, I feel your pain and heartbreak. It hurts and it doesn't get any easier, but just know the days keep coming and new memories can still be made. Sending all my love through this dark time.
Very Nice my sweet grandaughter you know that dad is now telling all of those kids all about YOU & Chris. So smile as I am sure he is telling them all of those fun times you had with him. Love You. Grandma
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your comment to me and now this post, I am the one brought to tears. I feel so many of these same emotions you just wrote about. I continue to reach for the phone to tell my mom something funny. I miss seeing emails pop in my inbox from her just checking in on me. I am so sorry that your heart is breaking. I know nothing will ever truly heal the pain of losing a parent.
ReplyDeleteThis post also made me realize how no day is guaranteed. We never know which holiday will be the last one with everyone around the table. So, I'm going to pick up the phone and call my dad even if I have nothing to say and send my family cards in the mail, just because. As we both know, one day we won't be able to do the things we can now. Even the little things like splitting a drink with my mom at the movies... I'll never get to do that again. So, this post you wrote is a beautiful reminder of enjoying each day. I am thinking of you and sending a bunch of big hugs your way! Your dad is so, so proud of you :) xo