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I've experienced death through the loss of a grandparent, a great-grandparent, 3 dogs and plenty of other critters, but I've never experienced death, or shocking loss, the way I have this month. Each day I find myself in disbelief and catch myself repeating a little reminder, "He's gone."
This reminder is the worst reality one can face. Talking to my brother through all of this, we've summed it up in one word - empty. Losing a parent is losing half of the life you once knew, and (secretly) never thought would ever happen. I thought before all of this, "That won't happen to me." Well one-month later, it did happen to me.
I've pepped myself up for a new month. October has been rough. November is going to be a new month, and it will definitely bring a new me. My Pops reminded me, wherever you go in life and whatever weighs you down, just spray a little Pam (the cooking spray) and let things slide off. Not sure how I'm getting through today, how I've gotten through the last month, and how I'll continue moving forward, but I'm taking it all one step at a time, and truly letting the other burdens in my life "slide right off!"
A little over one-month ago, I received an email from My Pops with an article talking about relationships. At the very end of the email, he wrote this (in his cute way of writing):
Sweets, You know no matter how Mature and Grown Up You are, You Will Always Be My Little Girl, I am SO Proud Of The Woman You are Becoming. With My Life and the Family around Me I am so Blessed,
Love You Sweets
Wrapping up the toughest month of my life is not something you're ever prepared to face. Reminding myself that I had 26 years of memories with the most amazing, genuine and giving Pops feels pretty darn good.
Pops, no matter how many more months I'll be facing without you, you will always be my best friend and I am so proud you were my dad. I am the luckiest girl in the world :)
I love you, Pops.
Hi Brittanie,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear about your fathers passing. I remember after my boyfriend was killed in a motorcycle accident almost two years ago, the letters and emails and even voicemails were a constant companion of mine. Thank you for sharing his words and yours with the rest of us.
Keep your chin up :)
Marie Vermaas
Marie, thank you so much for writing! It's been the toughest heartache, but it's a one-day-at-a-time sort of thing.
DeleteAlso, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your boyfriend :( We'll have to catch up and I'm excited to read about your adventures with the Peace Corps!
Love you, B! I love reading your words/thoughts in your posts - there's something so raw & genuine about them. I can only imagine that that's something your pops instilled in you, and perhaps inspired in you. He loved for you to write - so please keep writing, because I love it too!
ReplyDeleteNicole, I love you! I just received the most beautiful card! Thank you so much for thinking about me :) I wish more than anything we could plan a reunion, sit in the park during lunch like old times, or catch up over a dinner date!
DeleteI miss you!