Whatever it has been, this blog has been there for me. Lately, I just haven't felt like writing it down. It's hard taking one step forward while feeling like the state of your own mind is taking you ten steps back. It's always been hard to simply just say it. Say what I'm feeling, thinking, and wanting. It's also been tough facing today's truth while I'm still in denial over what's happened to my family and my dad.
But today, today I just need to write. I keep thinking if I come here and write, the tears won't be able to stop. But maybe, just maybe ... I need that. I've had good days and bad days. I've had moments of belly laughing love and moments of heart breaking sobs. I've let life in, and I've let it out.
While writing tonight, I'm thinking about how lucky I am. I've got a family unlike any other (and truthfully, they are unlike any other and simply the best). I've got love in my heart from my best friend and a guy who is always there to make me feel better (this is more than most have). I've got friends who have shown up and just been there (this is how you know who your friends are). I've got ears listening to me that I never knew were there. I've got the drive that tomorrow is going to be better, and life ... life is going to look up!
This past week I skipped my Friday Fav because Friday I just wasn't feelin' it. This past week I turned another year older and definitely another year stronger. This past week I didn't write, but I talked a lot ... and I talked to my dad.
I realize this new path ahead is never going to look the same, but it's life and I'm still here. I'm going to continue taking these steps forward, even when I feel as if I'm being pushed back, and I'm going to continue loving, laughing, crying, talking, and feeling it all.
My 27th Birthday wish was different than any wish I've ever made (I can be a repeat wisher). It's about life - being present today, but always looking forward to tomorrow.
And that my friends is .... is life as of late.
Lovely B,
ReplyDeleteI sent you an instagram message for your birthday and when I didnt hear anything, I came over to your blog. It pains me to think of the reality that awaits all of us, I hope you know I am sending you all my love, somehow, in this universe to hug you and pat you on the back. I know it can feel stifling, it's not about healing-- it's about dealing. I still cry over my Nana when I wrap her scarf around my head. But, I have to extend my sincere sorries and somehow tell you that I find comfort in knowing your mom and pops gave you so much love, that even when they are not present, you are blanketed by it. Be well, my friend, and continue to tell stories of him-- he left his legacy in you.
hugs. tons of them.
Happy belated birthday.
ReplyDeleteI nominated you for this blog award, if you ever feel up to it.
http://partofthatworldblog.blogspot.com/2012/10/liebster-award.html