Saturday, May 8, 2010

To My Beautiful Mother and Best Friend.

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening my little never forgetful, always there, most honest, determined and driven, beautiful Mother and Best Friend,

Where do I begin? Will this post ever end? It starts off with a quirky fact between my mom and I; We introduce each letter and email to one another with "To my little ___ ____ ____." Why would anyone care about knowing this and why would I release a little secret only we share. Because it reminds me of my youth and without a doubt holds me over for what the future is bound to present. One of my favorite pictures of my Mom and I is us sitting on the front steps of our house so close to one another, almost as if I am her conjoined twin. As a matter of fact, I think until age 10 I was tied to my Mom's side. My thought was, "How could I go a minute without my best friend?"

I would wake up every morning, disregard my bad breath and immediately rush to her bathroom and watch her get ready, admiring and secretly hoping one day I would look just like her. She would put down her blush brush, forget about her mascara and lean over my way and listen to my never-ending nasally voice ask question after question. As soon as the big hand hit 7 it was time to be separated. What? Why can't I follow her, why can't she join me? The tears would start rolling and she would lean my way and whisper, "Brittanie, I will pick you up in no time and we will have the whooooole night together." Reassuring to say the least, I knew the minute her car pulled up my velcro was out waiting for her hip.

As the years passed by and we were on a new adventure to a little land called Boise, Idaho, I wasn't sure where we were headed, but I knew my Mom was next to me and everything would work itself out. Of course, this had to be the time when girls start growing, changing, b*tching and ignoring. My little out-of-place self and confidence hidden behind my rainbow-framed glasses was no where near close to puberty. This is where my Mom stepped in (although at the time I was deeply embarrassed). She ran into The Bon (what has now become Macy's), picked me out a few colored training bras and instructed me how to wear them and what they were for. Excuse me! I was a flattened piece of cardboard. Nope, my Mom knew different and knew she wasn't going to let her daughter be the poking stick for every other girl to kick. She threw me in the mix, even if I wasn't quite ready.

Soon it became freshman year of high school, and where was my Mom ... at my side. I had spent the last 5 years at a school with cubbies. High school doesn't provide teenagers with cubbies. They had lockers for secrets, mirrors and dirt traps. So here I am > neon green retainer, polo T, third eye and a splash of Victoria's Secret body spray entering a fire pit. My Mom wanted my next four years to be fabulous, fun and possibly similar to hers (nights of dancing, finger snapping and crushes). In order to put me on the right path, I was in for my first lesson of high school ... figuring out my lock. "Turn to the right, now left, one more left, okay now three over to the right. Brittanie, I said three over, no not two, three!" Finally, step one of being a freshman landed me an F. After the first week, it was as if I had spent my toddler years playing with locks, but it was only due to my Mom's consistent question, "How did it go?" I was finally able to move past step one and dive into 4 years of makeup lessons, crushes, dances and dresses, still knowing I could fit into my 5th grade training bras, driver's ed and of course the brutal history tests I never thought I would pass.

As graduation commenced I was college-bound. This is where life took a drastic turn for me. Resembling my days not ready for bras, my next step in life also came slower than most my peers. I thought the world held swatches, pillows and textiles. Back up, I thought my world held bold colors, antique mirrors and my own design studio in San Francisco. This plan derailed the minute I realized I enjoy decorating, but I really didn't want it to cradle my life. So Plan B fell in my lap, I drove to Utah and attempted a few days at the University of Utah and finally came to my senses and knew, I just wasn't ready for college, yet. So who was there to listen and open her arms as I came crawling back home ... my Mom!

I waited a semester, enrolled at BSU and dedicated the next 4 years to school, working part-time and leaving my Mom's nest (simply a few miles away). It was during my first real roommate experience I knew how fabulous my Mom was even when I wasn't home. She wanted my new place to feel comfortable and stocked with love. By love I mean food, toilet paper and more food. She was constantly buying the most random goods (lightbulbs, windex, cereal and anything else she supplied it). Hoping she was following the #1 rule everyone repeated to her, "You gave her wings now let her fly" or "Listen, she is but a few miles away. She will be okay!" It didn't matter if I left my Mom's nest or was okay, I wanted her by my side and I think she wanted the same.

Next in line was my witty move someplace away from home, someplace I could call my own and a place where I as all alone. It's almost been a year and I can't think of a day I haven't talked to my Mom or thought about her. It's been a job trying to meet people. It's been a job trying to make ends meet. It's been  more than a job being away from her. Through each hurdle and every box of kleenex I've flooded, my Mom has been at the receiving end sending a hug, a check or a care package wishing she could wipe away my fears.

I wish I could snap myself into her kitchen and tell her just how much I miss Sunday dinners. I wish I could land myself in her backyard and help her plant flowers and mow the lawn (she is the master of this). I wish I could go for walks every night and talk about our days, our troubles and our loves. I wish above all, I can someday be just as amazing of a mother and friend to my future daughter as my Mom is to me. If I look back at the picture of us attached at the hip, I know there is nothing better than having someone so special, inspiring and loving there whenever you need her no matter if she isn't at my side.

Happy Mother's Day My Little Sidekick! I love you!

1 comment:

  1. Wow! Your Mom is really very lucky to have you as her daughter and like wise! What a beautiful dedication!