I wanted to write today's post, while crying and facing a world that looks nothing like I remember, because My Pops bought me my first journal, which lead to 10 other notebooks, which eventually turned into this blog. My Pops checked in on me weekly and asked, "Did you write in your journal today?" I promised him one day I would wrap up all of my journals, drop them in his lap, and say, "Happy Birthday!"He loved living through the adventures of my brother and I, and always knew that one day, when I had kids or when I wanted to look back on a time in my life, I'd have a way to remember it.
My Pops wouldn't want me to write about my heartache, this nightmare, or the fact that I've lost my best friend, but somewhere I know he's looking down on me, giving me a hug to get through today, and asking, "Did you write your Friday Fav?"
Today's Friday Fav is to My Pops.
I can't write a lot right now, because my heart is hurting. I can't talk a lot right now, because I feel like I'm going to vomit. I can't think about this right now, because I'm missing him and can only think about him.
But, I can think of what I learned and fell in love with over this week. I learned life is tough and when you think about how you'll react when hear those awful words, or get that call, that your world freezes and you go into survival mode. I've had the worst week of my life, yet I've still walked on and have accomplished what's needed for today. I've learned that my Pops made me this way. He prepared me for anything. He believed in me and still does. I've also learned that while my Pops might not be here anymore, I secretly know he still is. I've already seen him in places, people and sounds. I've fallen in love with everyone who has ever been a part of his life. I am selfish to think, "He's mine," but he has been everyone's best friend. I've loved all of the stories that have come my way this week, just reminding me of the man he was and character he held. I've never loved my Pops more than I do today.
As I get ready for a funeral I never wanted to plan or attend, I just want to say thank you to everyone who has helped me through this, but most of all my Pops who has been with me the entire way.
I simply don't know what tomorrow or next year will look like without my Pops here, but I'm so thankful I've had the years and memories with him that I have today.
Pops, skidamarinkadinkadink .... I love you and miss you :(