Friday, March 15, 2013

Friday Fav - Memories

Happy Friday! I was hoping to pop in a couple of days this week and say hi, share my latest spring obsessions, and provide photos of dinners I made, but something got in the way. One thing that's been on my mind all week - My Pops.

While people are either gearing up or dreading the green storm of St. Patrick's Day on Sunday, I'll still have one thing on my mind - My Pops. I try to keep this blog as uplifting as I can, but sometimes you just have to be real with yourself, and real with what you write. Sunday will mark 6 months without him. 

Getting through each week that becomes another month without my dad has been hard. But this month, 6-months, has felt exactly like the night I got the call. I've cried non-stop, I've thought about what I don't have vs. what I do, I have anxiety about the months ahead, and I simply can't get over the fact that he won't be calling me anymore to say, "Sweets, I love you."


I resort to things that people have encouraged me to do or think about, "Brittanie, just talk to him," or "Brittanie, you know he's watching over you and with you at all times," or "Brittanie, it's going to be hard for awhile."

For those of you that have lost someone, you know this pain. You talk to him one night and wake up the next morning no longer having that. It's not like a breakup where you could potentially talk if you wanted to (and also not something you've thought about). It's not like a friend who moves away that you can still see every other year. It's not like anything you've ever known or want to know. It's something you can't explain and something you wish was still a lie.

As this month marks another month without him, I have thought about one other piece of advice that people have encouraged me to do - "Brittanie, think about the memories."

Friday Fav - Memories

This past week, through the boxes of Kleenex, the lonely drives home, and the Monday where I had to leave work early for my own mental health, I've thought about some of my favorite memories with my Pops.

I've thought about the times he sat outside my room, passing notes under the door, apologizing for our arguments. I've thought about the number of nights he drove across town at 2am to pick me up because I was homesick during a sleepover (attempt after attempt). I've thought about the summers he took me to Lagoon (amusement park in Utah) so I could "drive" their cars thinking I was never on a track. I've thought about my move to Colorado and how we pulled over on the side of the road, looked up, and called out clouds that looked like animals for over an hour. I've thought about our love for ice cream cones and making sure each date was finished with our favorite treat. I've thought about his hand waving through the wind every time he drove with the window down. I've thought about him teaching me how to ski, ride a bike, drive a car, till a garden, check the tire pressure, spit a sunflower seed, and brew a cup of coffee. I've thought a lot about our last lunch date, what he ordered, and what we talked about. I've thought about the smile I saw every time he was at the airport waiting to pick me up. I've thought about his hug and how he never wanted to let go.

I've thought about how 6 months ago, I didn't think we would have to let go.

As I continue to go another week and eventually 6 more months without him, I'll continue to address the emotions as they come. I'll think about the 26 years we had together, the lessons he taught me, the stories I'll never forget, the songs we listened to, the drives we took, and the laughter we shared. I'll never stop thinking about him and the memories we have.

Now my advice to you, this weekend and moving forward, take a minute to think about those in your life, what they bring, what you'll remember, and what you still need to create!

7 comments:

  1. This is so inspirational! Keep smiling girl, time heals the heart. P.S. I call my dad Pops too :)

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  2. Very True message my sweet grandaughter I am sure hes smiling as you wrote this message about him and you. Love You Bunches.

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  3. Thinking about you, Brittanie. I hope you made it through Sunday as well as you could. Your dad sounded like an amazing person. (And so handsome!)

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind thoughts! Sunday ended up being a wonderful day :)

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  4. Wonderful post...I like your blog.^^
    Maybe follow each other on bloglovin???
    Let me know follow you then back.
    Lovely greets Nessa

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